


Do Girls Circle Jerk?

by crazycatt71



Series: MCU KInk Bingo #3 [1]
Category: Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Awkward Conversations, Circle Jerk, Funny, Humor, M/M, Male Friendship, Poker, Tony causes an awkward conversation, explaining what a circle jerk is
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-08
Updated: 2019-02-08
Packaged: 2019-10-24 09:11:11
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,269
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17701511
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/crazycatt71/pseuds/crazycatt71
Summary: “Have any of you guys ever been in a circle jerk?” leads to awkward questions and conversation.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the my MCU Kink Bingo card square G5- circle jerk square

A lot of the weirder things that had happen in Clint Barton’s life since he had become an Avenger were Tony Stark’s fault and one of the weirdest conversations Clint had ever participated in was no different. Clint, Phil, Tony, Steve, Bucky, and Thor were playing poker in the common area. Really good micro brew was being consumed, outrageous fantasy bets were being made, and everyone was feeling relaxed and mellow when Tony “Fucking” Stark bursts out with, “Have any of you guys ever been in a circle jerk?”

Bucky spit out a mouthful of beer, Steve turned bright red, and Thor looked confused.

“Really, Stark?” Bucky demanded as he mopped the front of his tee shirt with a napkin.

“How do you jerk a circle?” Thor asked, looking even more confused when Clint started laughing.

“A circle jerk is a bunch of guys sitting around, jerking off.” Tony told him calmly, like he was discussing the weather.

“A group of men masturbating together?” Thor asked.

“If you want to get technical about it, yes.” Tony said.

“Why?” Thor wanted to know.

Tony’s mouth opened and closed several times.

“Uh.” He mumbled, looking around the table.

Steve refused to meet his eyes, Bucky just shrugged, Clint shook his head.

“Uh.” Tony stammered again.

“Because men will compete about anything.” Phil said in his clam, reasonable way.

Thor nodded like that was a totally acceptable answer, which Clint thought it was.

“So, this is a thing that men on Midgard do?” Thor inquired?

“Some do.” Phil replied.

“Have any of you?” Thor asked.

Where Tony trying to be shocking, Thor was genuinely curious, which some how made the whole conversation even more strange.

“I went to private boys’ schools, it’s almost required.” Tony bragged.

Bucky snorted.

“Don’t try and tell me it didn’t happen in the army, soldier boy.” He snarked. “All those strapping young men standing at attention, so to speak.”

“Tony.” Steve groaned.

“How about you, Robin Hood, “Tony demanded, turning his focus on Clint.

Clint slouched back in his chair and took a drink of his beer.

“If I had, I would have won.” He bragged.

Tony rolled his eyes and snorted.

“Yeah, right.”

“Want to see who’s better?” Clint snarled, slamming his beer bottle on the table as he reached for snap on his jeans.

“Bring it, Katniss.” Tony growled, reaching for his belt.

Steve grabbed Tony’s arm while Phil grabbed Clint’s.

“No!” they said at the same time.

“Nobody wants to watch you two idiots jerk off.” Bucky growled at them. “At least not at the table.” He added, leering at Tony.

Tony grinned and relaxed back in his chair. Clint looked at Phil and smirked. Phil just raised an eyebrow at him.

“You wan’a see me jerk off, sir?” he asked.

“Keep it up and that’ll be the only action you see for the for seeable future.” Phil replied.

Clint slouched back with a pout.

“So, no one is jerking off?” Thor asked.

“Not as a group, buddy.” Tony told him, patting his arm. “Thou anything is possible in private.”

Thor seemed to think this was acceptable. Clint grabbed the deck of card and began to shuffle them.

“Do women participate in these masturbating contests?” Thor asked.

The cards flew out of Clint’s hands, the beer came out of Bucky’s nose this time, and Tony face went blank as he rapidly blinked, his brain going off line at the thought. Steve actually looked so panicked that Clint thought he might bolt from the room any moment.

“I don’t really know,” Clint stammered, “I mean girls are different so they’d do it differently. More wiggling less jerking, right?”

He wiggled his fingers as he looked at Phil helplessly.

“Gay man here,” Phil told him, “I have no idea what women do in private.”

“No man knows what women do in private.” Tony said, his brain rebooted. “Women are the greatest mystery on earth.”

“Or anywhere.” Thor said.

Everybody nodded in agreement.

“Lady Natasha is a woman, I think I shall ask her.” Thor said, standing up and heading for the elevator.

“Uh, that doesn’t sound like a smart idea.” Tony said, “She might kill him.”

“Nah, she’s more l likely to kill the person who put the idea in his head.” Clint told him.

Everybody stared at Tony. He gulped nervously and jumped up.

“Thor, buddy, wait.” He shouted, running out of the room.

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> More awkward conversation

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I found out another way that a cicle jerk can be done, I love being in fandoms.  
> I had to write abkut it.

"That was evil." Phil told Clint as he started gathering empty beer bottles. The game was clearly over for the night.

"Why?" Clint asked innocently.

Phil gave him one of his best Agent Coulson don't even try it looks.

"You know damn well Nat isn't here."

"So Tony sweats a little. Serves him right for making the conversation so awkward." Clint said with a grin.

He took a long drink of his beer.

"So we probably shouldn't mention to Thor that a circle jerk can also be a bunch of dudes sitting in a circle jerking off the guy next to him?" Bucky asked.

Clint choked as beer shot out of his nose. He gasped and sputtered for a minute before he could get air into his lungs.

"Way to make it even weirder, Barnes." He finally managed to wheeze.

"What, that's how it was explained to me." Bucky growled, "A bunch of naked dudes trying to see who can get eachother off the fastest. It kind of sounds like fun."

"And somehow it just got even weirder." Clint groaned.

"What? You guys don't think it sounds like it might be fun with the right group?" Bucky asked.

"Oh God!" Steve moaned as he banged his head on the table. "How do we always end up having these conversations?"

"Tony "Fucking" Stark." Clint told him..

"I will shoot then disembowel anybody who even thinks of mentioning this to Thor or Tony." Phil told them, his tone that deadly, don't fuck with me calm that made junior S.H.I.E.L.D.agents piss themselves.

They all nodded in agreement. They were finishing cleaning up when Tony strolled in, a wicked grin on his face.

"Hey guys," he said cheerfully, "I remembered something when I caught up with Thor."

An icy chill ran down Clint's back.

"There's another way to do a circle jerk."

Steve looked like he was about to throw up, Clint thought he might too. Even Phil looked a little pale.

"After I explained to him, he thought it sounded like a great idea." Tony told them. "So who's in?"

Clint was glad Phil didn't have his gun so he only had to stop him from grabbing a knife from the kitchen, though he wasn't sure he really wanted to.  Tony stood there, hands in his pockets, rocking on his heels while everybody else quietly panicked and tried to figure out how to politely tell Thor they didn't want to participate, except for Bucky, who just looked thoughtful. After a few minutes of silence, Tony cracked up.

"Oh the looks on your faces right now are priceless." He crowed, giggling like the mad man he was. He had no idea how close he was to dying right at that moment.

"I didn't tell Big Blond & Friendly, though I was tempted too." Tony informed them.

"Why would you do that?" Steve wailed.

"Because Katniss sent me to be murdered." Tony growled, glaring at Clint. "Which is very rude by the way."

Phil made a very scary noise and headed for the kitchen, muttering about disembowelment. Clint followed after him, offering to help.

Tony paled and ran for the elevator.

 

 


End file.
